Hotel Room Reviews: Zenith Nature Sounds Alarm Clock Z1200b

By:  Brandon
Sunday, January 9th 2011

Introduction:

Hotel Room Alarm Clocks… there is nothing I love more than the bizarre unfamiliarity of waking up to a different alarm clock.  Now, with the Zenith Nature sounds alarm clock, you can sleep while uncomfortably listening to your unfamiliar alarm clock as well.  Lets have a look into the fascinating world of alarm-clock paranoia below;

External Impressions:

The alarm clock is ensconced in luxurious gray-black plastic, clad with striking white serif print.  The build of the clock’s surround is quite sturdy, as most stand-in alarm clocks should be, given terrified users’ propensity to pick it up and throw it across the room.  Durability is key, and the Zenith Nature Sounds is built to haunt mornings of travelers everywhere for years to come.

The buttons should be familiar fare to frequent alarm clock users, as you have an alarm on/off switch, time, hour, minute, and alarm time setting options.  This is innocuous enough, until you realize these buttons all surround a giant yellow glowing cyclopic snooze-eye (do not confuse for lazy eye… this is much more sinister), watching you sleep and waiting to terrorize you.  Whats the button to the right of the glowing peeper? Why the controls for the “Nature Sounds”

The clock has several settings for the noises it can make to get in your head.  For alarms, you’re offered the choice of a standard buzzer, mechanical bell, Cathedral or radio.  You can also activate “Nature Sounds” at any time, which will cripple you with fear of its array of 3 sounds, plus the radio.  These settings all have different meanings to the alarm clock paranoid;

• Buzzer- Fire alarms are after you
• Mechanical Bell-  Egg timers are after you
• Cathedral- The church is after you
• Wind Chime- A triangle player from an orchestra resents his life while being after you
• Ocean- God is after you
• Brook- Cholera is after you

And you have reason to be afraid readers.

The clock comes with a radio, to broadcast government mind control into your head as you sleep, and just look at that dimmer switch!  You can only choose between high or low, but not off, which guarantees this psychotic clock will glow abhorrently red for the longest possible time.

Don’t think the No-off switch is concerning?  Behold!  The battery backup from hell.  You will never phase the brood-clock by separating it from your pithy 12v plug.

The Devil has a name, and it is Zenith Nature Sounds clock radio.  Also, surprisingly, the devil is UL (Underwriter’s labs) compliant as well.

Disassembly Guide:

The Alarm Clock from hell cannot be disassembled.

Conclusion:

Externals: 4/5 I don’t feel like institutionalized evil could be packaged much more ironically than in a cheesy, generic alarm clock.  Epic win for its docile styling masking it’s wicked   intentions.

Internals: 3/5 They must be ok, if they got me writing an article about the function of this alarm clock, and it functions so acceptably I’ve waned paranoid about it now for an hour.  You know how I know I’ve wasted an hour on this review?  Yeah….

Value for the money: 2/5 The Zenith Z1200b Alarm clock is not commercially available anymore.  That represents some value actually, as once its infected your thoughts during your hotel stay, it can’t make you go and purchase one of its brothers to keep you good and brainwashed.

Total:  3/5 Averaging the three points I evaluated our Zenith Z1200b Alarm clock on, we’re left with a score of 3.  Welcome to the bigs devil clock, you’re the first review to score over 2, and even over 3!

Happy Tuesday, January 11th readers.  2 more days until I get to go home!