By: Brandon
Thursday, January 13th 2011
Here we go into my final foray into the hotel room reviews series readers. I couldn’t find anything that got me quite as inspired as any of the other junk I’ve written about… Until I noticed that I was surrounded by wall hangings that are tackily mismatched at best.
Lets explore;
External Impressions;
Starting with this piece, which evokes the simplicity of American life in the heartland of Anne Arbor. Looking at this bowlful of dandelions exploding colorfully from a vase is a dreary reminder of what my day is about to be in the morning, and a scornful recap of everything it wasn’t when I got home. I can’t agree with my own cynicism here, because really, a black and white hotel room would be awfully boring. Actually wait… no it wouldn’t. That would be awesome. Anyways, the tackiness here needs not be lost on you.
This piece hangs over my bed. It makes me think of Neopolitan Iceceam… and like most Neapolitan icecream, there is an inbalance away from the good stuff for a load of Strawberry… hey, when did they put coffee in Neapolitan?
Ah, some Asian art. Classy. This piece speaks at me, but I’d probably like it better if I understood how to read it… or how it at all fits the rest of the décor of my room.
This one is meant to symbolize the labyrinthine complexities of modern travel, but perhaps to suggest a way out?
This wallhanging symbolizes the increasingly monetaristic aspect of our society, and how if we don’t all pitch towards a better future, we will all live in a dystopia where mid-range hotels are 300 dollars each night.
This one makes a statement about putting away our misogynistic stereotypes as a society, and by putting them away, moving far on from them…
Oh wait, no it doesn’t… Perhaps its going for the kitsch factor.
The best kind of deco- Deco containing me! Also I can see the TV in it, so… I don’t know, Mirror wins!
Really, this is a wall hanging as well, and goes well with the review, because honestly, this series has been a bit sh*t.
Disassembly Guide:
- Remove everything but the mirror in this room from the wall.
- Replace with anything.
Conclusion:
Externals: 1/5 Disconnected, themeless, and uninteresting. Except for the ironing board flanked by a hairdryer. I didn’t even do that, promise! +1 for the chuckle.
Internals: 2/5 There could be money lining the cough… art…, After all, there’s always money in the banana stand…
Value for the money: 0/5 Someone paid to do this to my room? What did I ever do to them?
Total: 1/5 Averaging the three points I evaluated our wallhangings at a 1/5 which is appropo considering the only thing I enjoyed was the bathroom reference and the misogyny joke.
It’s the last night of my travel readers, half a day and an annoying flight home and I can go back to being curmudgeonly without telling you about it (at least on a nightly basis, I’ll still browbeat your favorite guns on a monthly-ish basis with reviews of course).
Theres one recurring theme here- None of my hotel room reviews have received greater than a 3. Some pretty lame guns have received a 3 or better here, so lesson learned. Bad guns are better than a mid-range hotel… Good day.
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