Hotel Room Reviews: Metal Sculpture

By:  Brandon
Wednesday, January 12th, 2011

Introduction:

What is this thing readers?  In hotel rooms I’m confronted by this pile of crap every time I open my closet door.  I have no idea what the flying crap this thing is, so I’ve decided to review its potential uses.  Prepare yourselves;

External Impressions:

To know how good its externals are, I need to know what it is first… As a sculpture its externals are junk… its awful.  Lets consider some new uses.

The thing confronts ordinary table as a more aesthetically confusing replacement. 

“There aint room for the two of us in this down…!”

The thing challenges our conception of the conventional easychair.

“Lets watch some TV!”

Remember our touchy-feeley psychopath in disguise friend alarm clock?  The thing can keep it at bay while you run for safety.

“You won’t be hurting anyone anymore”

The things manners are impeccable.

“Here!  Let me take those for you!”

The thing also cares about keeping your room secure

“You’re not on the list, pal…  Make like a tree and get outta here.”

Why, with all these uses, the thing may be the greatest thing I’ve ever found in a hotel room.  It works in nearly every capacity and… wait, whats that you say?  You put what on it?

Oh My…

And this is how its supposed to work?

Right.  Forgive me readers.  The Thing is caled a luggage stand, and elevates your luggage so its higher off the ground than it otherwise would be if you didnt use the luggage stand.  This use is so pointless and boring.  I can’t do this, where is my agent?

Alright, I’ve calmed down.  My review of the (rolleyes) luggage stand is that its functional.  It will hold your luggage and stand there holding your luggage, like Atlas perpetually bares the weight of the world on his back (Scoff).  And it doesn’t talk all badically like I had captioned it too.

Disassembly Guide:

There is no point to disassemble this stupid thing.  The only thing with a more specific use than the luggage stand as a whole is parts of a luggage stand.

Conclusion:

Externals: 2/5 Brown painted metal, plastic feet, nothing else.  I couldn’t even tell what the f*** this was.  I hate things that confuse me, thus this was bad.

Value for the money: 1/5 If your suitcase ‘needs’ coddling, these terrible stands are available on buy.com for $29.10.  $29.10 to lift a bag off the ground.  But then again, who is going to holt it there… you? 

Total:  1.5/5 Averaging the three points I evaluated our suitcase stand at 1.5/5.  Its not very valuable to have around, its expensive, and this one in particular is old and awful looking.

Happy Wednesday January 12th 2012 readers.  2 more of these and I can come home!